mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
