You're my little dorito
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Randomize
