Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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