I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
