if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
