its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
