Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
