FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
