WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
