Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
