im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
