he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
