I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
