help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
