fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Randomize
