You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
