No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
