Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
