today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
