You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
