I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
