before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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