Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I hope mine doesn't look like that
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
