youre lurking in front of me
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
