the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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