i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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