were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
