so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
