and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Shame is for Republicans.
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