He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Randomize
