so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
