Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
