Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
