It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
