there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
