The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
