If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
being pregnant is like rehab
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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