I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
