your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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