Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
i think my mom watched the whole time
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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