i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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