How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Too much gin, very little bucket
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
