Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
