Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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