Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
