he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
