jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
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