I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
