like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Randomize
