I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
