i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
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