i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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