I accidentally had phone sex last night
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Randomize
