Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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